Monday, May 29, 2017

We Too, Shall Pass

We too, shall pass.

Unless you work with the dying or in a hospital, CA Senate Bill 128 (SB-128) likely passed with little notice in June of 2016. With it, California became only the sixth state in the union to enact an aid-in-dying law.
I had keen interest in this law for I have been witness to many deaths both in and outside the hospital. Further, I had a friend dying of breast cancer that had metastasized to her bones - a notoriously painful death - and she was hoping to avail herself of SB-128 and its cocktail. Just in case SB-128 failed to pass or she didn’t live until it did, she was stockpiling pain pills, informing me she had “an exit strategy” if the pain became too great. I applauded her courage, convinced I’d do the same.

You may remember Brittany Maynard, a beautiful, vibrant and young Californian, who at age 29, was diagnosed with glioblastoma, an aggressive brain cancer. She suffered from debilitating headaches and seizures as her cancer grew. She moved to Oregon to take advantage of their Death with Dignity law, all-the-while advocating for California lawmakers to get their act together.
Brittany wrote, ““I considered passing away in hospice care at my San Francisco Bay-area home. But even with palliative medication, I could develop potentially morphine-resistant pain and suffer personality changes and verbal, cognitive and motor loss of virtually any kind.
Because the rest of my body is young and healthy, I am likely to physically hang on for a long time even though cancer is eating my mind. …an end-of-life option for mentally competent, terminally ill patients with a prognosis of six months or less to live. …I could self-ingest to end my dying process if it becomes unbearable.
When my suffering becomes too great, I can say to all those I love, “I love you; come be by my side, and come say goodbye as I pass into whatever's next.” I will die upstairs in my bedroom with my husband, mother, stepfather and best friend by my side and pass peacefully. I can't imagine trying to rob anyone else of that choice.”” 

Brittany died in 2014 and testified for SB-128 before the state legislature in 2015 from beyond the grave, in a message recorded prior to her death. “Every one of us will die. We should not have to suffer excruciating pain, shame or a prolonged dying process. The laws in California, and 45 other states, must change to prevent prolonged, involuntary suffering for all terminally ill Americans,” Maynard said in the video.
Dr. Robert Olvera, a bill supporter, described watching his daughter with leukemia, fight the disease for 17 years. “I watched my daughter decompose,” Olvera testified.
Christy O’Donnell, a 46-year-old Republican lawyer and ex-L.A. Police Department sergeant who was featured in People magazine, said she had terminal lung cancer and expected to die within months. “I do not want to see my daughter watching me gasp for air,” O’Donnell said.
“It gives me a great peace of mind to know that I will not be forced to die slowly and painfully," said Wallner, a 52-year-old single mother from Sacramento with advanced colon cancer and metastasis to liver and lungs. "The agonizingly traumatic image of me suffering will not be my family's last memory of me."

The argument is over the right to die with a doctor’s help at the time and in the manner of your own choosing. To date, only a handful of European countries, Colombia and seven American states allow some form of doctor-assisted dying. But draft bills and ballot initiatives are progressing in 33 states and several other countries. (1)
For some, the argument is moral and absolute. Deliberately ending a human life is wrong - because life is sacred and the endurance of suffering confers its own dignity. For others, doctor-assisted-dying is the first step on a slippery slope where the vulnerable are threatened and where premature death becomes a cheaper alternative to palliative care, nursing homes, long term care, board and care and institutions.
These views are deeply held and deserve to be taken seriously. But liberty and autonomy are also sources of human dignity. “In a secular society, it is odd to buttress the sanctity of life in the abstract by subjecting a lot of particular lives to unbearable pain, misery and suffering.” (2) 

Opponents fear the laws would be used to pressure the sick into killing themselves, “widespread euthanasia” they cried, labeling it physician-assisted-suicide. Right-to-Die has been lawful in Europe for decades and in Oregon since 1994 = decades. Many checks and balances are put in place to prevent patient coercion and suicide. The evidence does not reveal a slippery slope toward cavalier killings. Rather, the evidence leads to the conclusion that most laws for assisted-dying should be bolder and broader.

Modeled after Oregon’s law, let’s first examine what California’s law requires.
To be eligible to request a prescription for the aid-in-dying drugs, an individual must:
Be an adult (18 years old or older).
Be a California resident.
Have a diagnosis from his/her primary physician of an incurable and irreversible disease which will, within reasonable medical judgement, result in death within six months.
Be able to make medical decisions for themselves (be of sound mind) as determined by health professionals.
Voluntarily request a prescription for an aid-in-dying drug without influence from others.
Be able to self-administer (eat, drink, and swallow) the aid-in-dying drug.
The request must be made solely and directly by the patient to the attending physician, and cannot be made on behalf of the patient through a power of attorney, an advance health care directive, a conservator, health care agent, surrogate, or any other legally recognized health care decision maker. (3)

People with neuromuscular diseases tend to be excluded from using SB-128 as many lose the ability to “self-administer” long before their final six-months. Those with dementia are absolutely excluded by the requirement to be of sound mind. This sound mind requirement then, also excludes all with cognitive disabilities: mental retardation, psychiatric illness, traumatic brain injury, autism, etc.

At Kaiser, we created voluntary teams of physicians, nurses, social workers, chaplains, and others to guide patients through Gentle Passing with knowledge, respect and sensitivity. Because these requests are relatively infrequent, it was thought that designated teams could become expert in the process. It was also agreed that this responsibility should not fall solely upon our Hospice and Palliative Care teams.
Based on the Oregon experience, Kaiser’s northern California region anticipated:
207-414 patient inquiries
103-207 requests for End of Life (EOL) cocktail
67-119 cocktail administration
Not yet one-year into Gentle Passing, I am unaware of the actual numbers.

Back to my girlfriend dying of metastatic breast cancer; let’s call her Jill. Jill was beyond her 5-year, cancer window: she had completed breast cancer therapy and close monitoring for 5-years with no recurrence. Some years ago, we attended a weekend workshop in Pacific Grove. Our group made a short walk through Asilomar, to the Pacific. Jill’s back hurt and as we continued, her pain grew, forcing a retreat. She saw her doctor the following week for what seemed like unusually severe back pain. Subsequent tests revealed metastatic lesions on her spine. 
Jill’s ensuing battle with cancer lasted another four years; it gave her lots of time to think and plan. She held a party, more than a year before her death - to celebrate with friends while she could. Unbeknownst to attendees, it was a memorial party, a living wake. Jill emceed her party, asking friends to say the things they might say at her funeral. Her friends rose to acknowledged her and reminisce; the event was filmed.
Jill put her affairs in order and appointed a “death squad”, close friends to help her as her time drew nigh. They helped with bill pay and meal prep and in the end - reading friendly, supportive messages sent via Facebook. Facebook became her means of remaining connected to her community once she could no longer leave home and then - bed. She was very open with her feelings and sensations. “I feel weird today. This dying thing…” Sometimes she had sooo much pain - and nothing helped to ease it.
Jill picked a “kick the bucket day” that was widely publicized. She asked friends to join her in rewatching her memorial party. At the appointed time, she drank her cocktail and slipped into sleep - then death, surrounded by her loving death squad. They posted a message on Facebook when Jill had passed. 
Jill’s death was the most transparent death I’ve ever experienced. I appreciated sharing in her thoughts and emotions. In contrast, I tend to hole-up when things are not well or right. Jill lived out loud. No going quietly into that good night - she went with a bullhorn, sharing her view of the path ahead. That takes courage and a commitment to stay connected.

In their own words: Listen to the reflections of two women who were interviewed before their deaths on Insight with Beth Ruyak of Capitol Public Radio. In the broadcast, retired Hospice Chaplain Ellen Robinson Haynes asserts, “We put a lot of effort into planning births and into planning weddings and all kinds of transitional moments. Planning an assisted-death is an exquisitely intimate and beautiful process. This is not suicide… this is a rational, well-grounded choice to make for somebody who is already dying. (5) Link below.

No matter your view of right-to-die laws, patients with terminal illness agree that they want autonomy (like most of us) - over their lives and deaths. People hope to die quietly in their sleep, to drift off. Statistically, only 10% of us do that, so… hope all you want. 30% of us die quickly by catastrophe du jour: accident, suicide, sudden cardiac death, massive stroke, etc. But 60% of us have the dwindles, where we slowly dwindle in our abilities and capacities until we die by some chronic disease. 
A small percentage of people suffer with unrelenting, intractable pain OR shortness of breath so severe that they can’t even lift an arm to feed themselves (patients say this kind of air hunger is terrifying) OR complete paralysis (including breathing) while the brain remains active and aware OR like Brittany Maynard - disabling headaches and seizures OR any number of horrific maladies that we cannot imagine enduring.
SB-128 is for them, for that small cadre for whom living has become an unbearable torture and who want out.

Notice that the demented are excluded by this law - and appropriately so. Many of you know my father died with Alzheimer’s disease - HE was gone years before his body gave up the ghost. Eventually, he no longer recognized those who loved him. He thought he lived amongst strangers and tormentors. Simple requests and bodily functions made no sense to him. In the end, without the ability to understand words or their meanings, he became reactive, defensive and offensive - like a threatened, cornered animal. Those were difficult years in which the kitchen knives were hidden - a consequence of just one of many horrors.
When he stopped swallowing, the deathwatch began. A hospital bed was rolled into the middle of their living/dining room, the only place their small condo could accommodate its bulk. There, he tossed and turned and mumbled and moaned and eventually became still, and breathed, until that too slowed and finally stopped. Ten days… TEN DAYS… Have you ever watched someone die for ten days? Why is this okay? I wouldn’t do that to my dog! In fact, that might be considered cruelty to animals. Honestly for me, his passing was long overdue and a relief. He would have never wanted to live that way and I would never wish it upon anyone. 

Brittany Maynard’s Oregon physician, Dr. Eric Walsh says, "When somebody is facing the end of their life, shouldn't they be in control? Shouldn't I be able to help them when they're suffering and the burden of their suffering becomes intolerable to them?”

It is my hope that future Advance Directives can be even more proactive. That I could direct my medical team to “administer the cocktail” when certain conditions are met. i.e. if my Montreal Cognitive Assessment Tool score is so low that my cat would do better? Time to go bye-bye. A little too Soylent Green for you? I get it, obviously your choices will be different. The important part in all this is that the patient gets to choose; the patient has a say.

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s husband Marty, himself a lawyer and suffering with metastatic cancer wrote to his wife:
June 17, 2010
My dearest Ruth,
You are the only person I have loved in my life, setting aside a bit, parents and kids and their kids. And I have admired and loved you almost since the day we first met at Cornell some 56 years ago. What a treat it has been to watch your progress to the very top of the legal world. 
I will be in JH Medical Center until Friday, June 25th, I believe. And between then and now, I shall think hard on my remaining health and life. And whether on balance, the time has come for me to tough it out or to take leave of life because the loss of quality now simply overwhelms. I hope you will support where I come out but I understand you may not. I will not love you a jot less. Marty (4)
Marty died on June 27, 2010.

Thank you Marty, for getting to the heart of the matter. I don’t expect to change any minds with this blog. But I do hope to stir your deepest thoughts and bring you to some place of compassion for the dying - to give them voice and honor their choice. For we too, shall pass.

P.S. - please excuse my absence. My bathrooms have been remodeled and/or refurbished. By necessity, I've had many boxes strewn across the house and furniture shoved into corners. I find it impossible to write amongst the chaos. But that all ended approximately 1 month ago.

3) Coalition for Compassionate Care of California

4) I Carmon & S Knizhnik, Notorious RBG, Chap 7.

5) Choosing the End of Life Option on Insight w/Beth Ruyak on Cap Radio.

Saturday, January 7, 2017

2016 Recap

Hau’oli Makahiki Hou!
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I hope this letter finds you and yours in good health and spirits. Chinese salutations commonly include wishes for good luck and good fortune, prosperity and happiness. As I age, I value good health above all and barring that, vitality at every age and any stage.

Self indulgent - that describes my 2016 filled with new adventures and fabulous friends.

I started the year by completing my Family Trust documents with a local trust attorney. My impetus was two calendared trips to Europe, where random acts of violence are becoming more commonplace. (Funny how American gun violence, its scale of human carnage exceeded only by war, did not move me to get my Trust documents done.) And while I felt tearful and uncomfortable putting my final wishes in writing, I concurrently feel content knowing my estate will flow to the people and causes I care for most. I highly recommend getting this done - contact me for an excellent trust attorney.
Things accomplished on the home front: 1) I had a gargantuan shed built for yard tools, bicycles, etc. 2) exterior painting in “happy” colors, 3) kitchen facelift, 4) master bathroom remodel underway (out with the plastic shower/tub insert and in with walk-in shower, senior friendly fixtures allowing me to age in place). ALMOST done with all the beeeg home projects.

Celebrating Sixty: a catered birthday party at my home with friends and neighbors. Most were pleasantly pleased with the Asian-vegetarian menu. I dressed in a Mamo holoku with leis sent by my sister and cousin. I really had a wonderful time and plan to hold a 70th - so get your mu’u mu’u, Aloha shirt and slippahs ready! And if you no moh, I can fix that at Hilo Hattie’s, though you may sincerely regret it.

Bill, me, John
July found buddies Bill, John and I traipsing through the Dolomites in Italy, floating in Venice, museum-ing in Florence and archeology-ing in Rome. Fantastic trip, hugely educational, instrumental in sorting and sifting through random datas learned in school. 
WWI was fought in the Dolomites as Italy reacquired land from Austria. Austrian influence continues in language, excellent apple strudel and a beverage called a radler = 50% lemonade and 50% beer. DELISH and sooo refreshing. Try it!
For more details of this trip you can read my blog entitled, The Church at You will need to scroll to the earlier posting.
the Dolomites
The run-up and aftermath of the Presidential Election left me in a blue funk. I have more than serious reservations regarding Donald Trump and sincerely hope he does well for our country. Fingers crossed, prayer flags flapping. Seriously - he needs our prayers - every US President does.

Two weeks before Christmas, John and I flew to Paris (John and I met the first day of our Master’s/Nurse Practitioner’s program at UCSF and have been fast friends since) - to take in the European Christmas markets (yes, the very ones Homeland Security advised to avoid), the Louvre, the d’Orsay, the Eiffel, Versailles, and Disney Paris. 
We knew crowds would be lighter - but we had no idea. Crowds were basically nonexistent. The typical 3-hour-line to view the Mona Lisa was 30-seconds. No filing by, pushed by the crowds. There was time to linger - even for a selfie. The spacious galleries were unencumbered; priceless and famous works, easy to find and enjoy. 
The size of Le Louvre - I had no idea. Did you know it is touted to be the largest building in the world? We visited the bowels of the building, where parts of the original castle keep and dungeons survive. Bones of the secondary palace are also still visible.
A less famous but by far the loveliest Venus.
The d’Orsay Museum is a beautifully restored and repurposed World’s Faire, train depot that houses the works of famous French Impressionists. You know their names: Monet, Manet, Degas, Rodin, Gauguin, Toulouse-Latrec, Cézanne, Renoir, Picasso, Van Gogh, Sisley. It was fascinating for me to detangle their names and works in my mind. And with the advent of smart phones - photos sans flash allowed!
We were unimpressed with the Christmas Market. Once a showplace for local artisans, it seems to have been usurped by China’s supply chain. And of course, security is a problem. Uniformed, armed, security forces prowled en masse. 
Paris’ Christmas Market straddles Avenue des Champs Elysées. Naught but a flimsy, white picket fence separates the Market from the traffic. We moved along the edges - where we could duck and run - a horrifying reality. I said they would be better served by closing Avenue des Champs Elysées and moving the market into the street, where they could block the whole thing off. Two days after our return, the attack in Berlin proved me right.

About the family:
Mom has rebounded from two setbacks and like an old Timex, she just keeps on ticking. She will turn 92 in April and I plan to be in Honolulu to celebrate. 
Sister Gina has been instrumental in assisting Mom and the Aunties. She and husband Michael continue to live in Kaneohe and enjoy watching their grandkids grow.
Niece Lael and husband Darth had their first baby: Alanna Quinn Kalea. She turns one in January and I plan to attend her party in SoCal.
Nick and Lindsey’s daughter, my great niece Jaydalyn Ui O Nalani is four and started school at Kawaiahao Church. Before Christmas, they made a snowbank so the kids could play in snow. I receive a steady stream of photos on Jayda’s photo stream and I love feeling more included vs being the auntie way over on the mainland.
Collins son Davin Kekahi Ho’omaluhia (whew!) plays in the band, surfs and fishes with his Dad, and snowboards when they make it to California.

What’s on tap? 
We are experiencing the largest mass extinction of animals - EVER. A photo safari may be next - before they become extinct. 2018. Saving my pennies.
I am taking weekly and monthly ukulele lessons. Monthly, classical Hawaiian lessons with Uncle Saichi - who used to play back-up for Iz, Gabby and others. He speaks full-on pidgin-english and is full of island stories. Good fun! (I really can't fathom how the English speaking students understand a word he utters!)
Work at Kaiser continues to be interesting albeit a bit challenging. Still LOVE the people - and that’s everything; isn’t it?

Some thoughts for the new year from Khe Hy (billed as the Oprah of the Millennials):
1. Have more compassion -- for yourself and others.
2. Do the "Uncomfortable Introspection."
3. Get comfortable with stillness.
4. Live your truth.

Sounds like a sound plan. I’ll take it on. You?
Here’s wishing you and yours a fabulous 2017. Be well, keep safe, and do keep in touch.

Much love and Aloha to you always in all ways ~ Lorin

Sunday, November 13, 2016

Now What?

Now What?

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What was your first reaction to the Presidential election results?

By cartoonist Damien Glez
Florida had fallen before I retired near midnight. I slept fitfully and arose at 0425. The news was sobering for one with an intense dislike disdain for Trump. I am unable to excuse, justify or overlook his hateful spew. 
His comment about Senator (and former POW) John McCain, “I like people who weren’t captured,” is unconscionable. 

And while he claims to be a Christian, Trump admits he has never asked for God's forgiveness. "I am not sure I have. I just go on and try to do a better job from there. I think if I do something wrong, I think, I just try and make it right. I don't bring God into that picture. I don’t. …When I drink my little wine and have my little cracker, I guess that is a form of asking for forgiveness.” Um… yeah - maybe. I wonder if he knows what the little wine and little cracker are about?
I wondered why my Christian friends voted for him; so I asked. My Aunt said it was simple. “We stand for the sanctity of marriage and life. That’s it. God can use any vessel and we will pray for Trump.” Clear - I can respect that. Another evangelical friend said, “She was more of the same. We want change. But I am a little uncomfortable with the thing he said about John McCain.” A little uncomfortable? I’m outraged! Are you? When I asked my Dad’s remaining sibling and devout Baptist about it she said, “Well I can’t vote for a Socialist, I won’t vote for Hillary so whose left?” These are people I know and love. These are people I trust.

His Twitter tirades are sophomoric, a one-sided dress-down of the Pope, current and former US Presidents, Governors, Congressional members, journalists, newspapers, actors, private citizens, people with disabilities, people of color, in essence, anyone who has breached his very thin and chemically tanned skin.1 Why doesn't his total lack of civility matter? Character matters. Temper tantrums and tirades, by-the-way, are behaviors of the emotionally immature. Ask yourself - what is the developmental age of children who tirade? Two to… eight?

By illustrator Thomas McClure
When he was caught on tape  - the braggart boasting about “grabbing women by the pussy” - I was not shocked. It is completely consistent with his public persona. And 100 hours after airing his closing ad - a blatantly antisemitic, national ad - he’s inviting us to come together and heal?2    אױ װײ = Oy vey!

This is Trumps list of On the First Day To-Do’s:
Repeal every Executive Order enacted by Obama.
Obamacare: repeal and replace.
Recognize Israel: the days of treating Israel like a second-class citizen are over.
Recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Israel and move the US Embassy.
Constitutional amendment to impose term limits for all members of Congress.
Announce plans to renegotiate NAFTA.
Label China a currency manipulator.
NATO has to be re-jiggered… for the better.
Hiring freeze on all federal employees to reduce the federal workforce through attrition.
Make sure the middle class gets good taxes.
A five year ban on congressional officials becoming lobbyists after they leave government service.
Withdraw the US from the TransPacific Partnership (TPP)
Begin swiftly removing criminal, illegal immigrants from this country.
A lifetime ban on White House officials lobbying on behalf of a foreign government.
Day one - we will begin working on an impenetrable, physical, tall, powerful, beautiful, southern border wall.
The Muslim ban …has morphed into a extreme vetting from certain areas of the world.
A special prosecutor to look into Hillary Clinton.
A complete ban on foreign lobbyist raising money for American elections.
We’re gonna get rid of ISIS. We’re gonna get rid of them fast. 3
A pretty ambitious list - with some real pearls we are likely to see him walk back in the near future.

Now what?

The proletariat rose up and spoke - they did and they didn’t. Voter turnout hit a historic 20-year low with only 55% of voting age citizens casting a ballot. Clinton won the popular vote so when Trump claims to have a clear mandate - he doesn’t, he has just under 27%. He got the electoral college but he did not get the majority of voting Americans - and clearly - he did not get me.
A righteous rebellion against elites. I agree; citizens are tired of a system that enables the rich to get richer while the middle class foots the bill. Most of us can support that change but Trump’s hateful rhetoric also made a home for racists, sexists and xenophobes of every color: homophobes, Islamiphobes, immigrantaphobes, etc. …and that scared many of us/me.

By cartoonist Michel Kichka
We on the Left tend to paint Trump supporters with a broad brush as racist and xenophobes. In this post election week I have come to realize that people were drawn to Trump for many reasons. 
There are those hoping he will make good on his promises and bring back coal mining jobs. With the rise of fracking, a (theoretically) cheaper and cleaner source of fuel, only the uninformed would hold that pipe dream. 
Some look toward his promise to renegotiate NAFTA resulting in the return of industry and factory jobs to the rust belt. Experts say that job loss in recent decades was due to automation, not Mexico, and that to claim otherwise is naive or deceitful.  AND, if we got serious about renewable energy, the rust belt and its machinist workforce could rise again. 
Others hope he will “drain the swamp” as promised. How would he do that? The President has very little power to fire elected officials. Further he will need those alligators because, if he hasn’t noticed, the President can get very little done without Congressional swampees.
True conservatives hope for smaller government. Trump’s proposed federal hiring freeze and attrition could kickstart that movement.
Evangelicals aligned with him out of truth to their faith tenets. I get it.
Still others hope he repeals the Affordable Care Act (ACA). The ACA was a start, not a final product. It needs many tweaks. 100% of us will use healthcare in our lifetimes. Citizens need access to affordable healthcare without exclusions for pre-existing conditions that allowed insurers to cherry-pick insurees to keep prices down. 

What’s difficult for people to understand is that we pay for people who don’t have health insurance through our taxes. And we pay at the highest price-point - when they are in crisis and seek care in the Emergency Department. Healthcare is not cheap but the absence of healthcare can forebode financial ruin.
By cartoonist JJ McCullough

Billionaire investor Warren Buffett, a staunch Hillary Clinton supporter, will support Trump saying "It's very important that the American people coalesce behind the president.”4 He also says we “owe him our respect”. 
I beg to differ - respect is earned. Trump has disrespected large swaths of our population and others around the globe; he will need to make amends to earn my respect. An sincere apology would be a good start and I’m not holding my breath. That would be inconsistent with his public persona. …surprise me Donald.

Dave Chappelle, the African American host of SNL said in their first post election show, “I’m going to give him a chance. And we, the historically disenfranchised, demand that he give us one too.”

Van Jones, CNN commentator, spoke of Whitelash in an impassioned address during the wee hours of Wednesday morning. Later that day, he was more circumspect. “More empathy and understanding can keep us from needlessly inflaming one another, and this should create the conditions for a better understanding of our differences. Deeper insight can only help all sides.”
Talk (and listen) to someone with whom you don't agree. Ask questions about anything that doesn't sound right to you. But don't just fight back. Try to listen. In fact, before you respond at all, carefully repeat back what you hear -- just to make sure you truly understand the other person. Then share your own views and feelings. Be passionate. But be compassionate, too.”
In the week preceding the election, Van Jones went to Gettysburg and met with Trump supporters. He invites everyone to watch The Messy Truth and converse.5

  I know families torn asunder by this election. To them I say, neither candidate is worth it. Do not let an outsider disrupt the sanctity of your familial circle. Apologize, acknowledge your differences, agree to disagree, express support and get back to love. Find a way back to love.

I’ll leave you with a posting from Rick Hanson, a psychologist who teaches essential inner skills of personal well-being, psychological growth, and contemplative practice. This from his blog:
Last, I've found it really helps to have perspective. Without minimizing one bit of whatever is awful, it is also true that humans like you and I have been walking this earth for nearly 200,000 years. I see the trees, the land, the ocean - all of it here before me and lasting long after me. Empires rise and fall. Sometimes the center does not hold - in a body, marriage, or nation - and still. And still people love each other, go out of their way for a stranger, and marvel at a rainbow. Nothing, nothing at all can change this. We keep putting one foot in front of the other one, lifting each other up along the way.6

I will personally continue to live true to my core values: spreading Aloha in the world, striving to find grace and graciousness, filling my time with music, writing, daily exercise, key relationships and meaningful work. You?

1 - For the ongoing and updated list of Twitter insults, go to:

7 - Cartoons

Sunday, October 30, 2016



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This piece is from my private journals and was penned nine years ago - shortly after I moved into my Folsom house and before I knew my neighbors well. When I shared it with Marcie and Kurt some years later, they laughed until they cried. It is reproduced here with their expressed permission. Be advised it contains profanity.


The teenagers next door are enigmatic and fascinating creatures to watch. Both Mom and Dad are runners and appear to have a commitment to healthy eating and fitness as evidenced by a collective BMI below 105 for the entire family of five ...or maybe its just good genes.

Weeks before Christmas, I sat backwards on the top rung of my sixteen-foot extension ladder, coffee-breaking during the annual stringing of festive lights, when Mom and Dad returned home.
Lorin!” Marcie hollered, “Congratulate Kurt, he just ran the CIM!” She was his biggest cheerleader; their bond seemed easy and mutually acknowledging.
“Wow Kurt; that’s awesome! How do you feel?” I called down from my perch. I was genuinely interested having completed several marathons myself. We chatted briefly, me staring down from roof’s edge, he shading his eyes to peer up.

The covalent bond of DNA bequeathing a long, lean frame dominated their union and left little doubt that all three were their father’s children. The eldest, a girl, was long, lithe, lovely like her mother and tipping twenty. She sourced a constant stream of handsome, young suitors and drove with the reckless abandon of youth. 
The boys might be handsome beneath their veil, an unkempt, dirty-blonde, crop of curls. They appeared equal in height and age though one must be older lest they were… twins? Santa had previously delivered boxing gloves with which they pummeled one another in the front yard -amid the cheers and jeers of their friends. Avid skateboarders, they jumped curbs, lifts and rails in our cul-de-sac well into the night. 
That is… until one son inherited a car. It had been his sister’s until she bought one, now it was his. He spent hours parked outside my kitchen window — loving his car. And when I mowed, I gave him the opportunity to move, sparing a dusting of yard debris on its polished paint.

One day, I emerged from my house to find Number-1 son washing his car and spewing profanities across its roof at Venerable-father.
"Get out of my f___ face!" he roared, "I don’t want to talk to you right now!” I froze. Venerable-father’s voice was low; his words inaudible.
"I told you to get out of my f___ face!” Venerable-father retreated into the house and I followed suit.

I was shocked, appalled and contemplated my varied reactions and responses. What would I do if my 17-year-old said that, SHOUTED that at me?
“He shoulda beat the living shit outta him!” one of my co-workers offered vehemently.
“I don’t think so,” I countered, “That only teaches him to resort to violence when he is frustrated and angry. No, I’m sure that is not the answer.”
“He was wise to avoid a Jerry Springer moment,” Lucia said. She had raised three exquisite children, one of whom, between pre-med semesters, wiled away his working hours in the Emergency Department with us. Lucia had earned the right to weigh-in on this subject. “Nope, get him where it hurts; restrict his car.”
I noticed his car lovingly parked, stationary …for weeks.

One afternoon, having regained privileges, he drove in with his twin and two friends. I watched through my kitchen window as they loitered affectionately around his Honda, stroking it, petting it, caressing it — loving it. It was then, in the last lingering rays of daylight that they turned up her radio and let her rip:
Why? I wanna fuck a dog in the ass.
I wanna fuck a dog in the ass. Why?
They pranced and danced, encircling the Honda in a single-file, Kokopelli line - laughing, singing, pausing to rear up and shout in unison, “Why?”
I wanna fuck a dog in the ass.
I wanna fuck a dog in the ass. Why?
I wanna, I wanna…

A small smile seeped across my face. “Teenagers,” I shook my head and whispered in the immortal words of Mr. Spock, “Fascinating.”